“The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own factor for existing.” ~ Albert Einstein
” I do not desire to live any longer. I do not desire to be here. I cant do this. It injures excessive. Its too hard.”
Im curious the number of times Ive heard these words over my life time. From different individuals, ages, genders, ethnicities, and walks of life. The words the exact same, the heaviness no different from one to the next. Despondence has a specific tone connected to it. Flat, low, and empty.
Being the child of a moms and dad who dedicated suicide, there is a familiar inner fear that washes over me when I hear these words. A hyper awareness and tuning in, understanding its time to roll up my sleeves.
As a psychotherapist, there is a checklist that goes through my head to ensure I ask all of the ideal questions as I assess the level of discomfort they are experiencing.
As a human, a warm wave of empathy takes over as I feel around for what this particular soul needs.
After asking the typical security concerns and determining this individual is not at substantial danger of ending their life, I ask, “So what is completion goal here? What do you think takes place after you die? Where will you go? How will you feel? What will feel different when youre dead versus how you feel right now?”
The answers vary from “It will be dark and nothingness, no feeling, no presence” to “Ill remain in paradise and made with this,” however more typically than not they say, “I dont know.”
I often question, “Well, if you do not know how can you ensure it will be much better than this? What if you are stuck in a dark void and cant get out?”
More times than not they have not believed this through. They are not considering what is next, mostly since what they are truly saying is “I dont desire to seem like this any longer.”
I get that. We all have those minutes.
Then I dig in additional:
” How do you understand your miracle is not around the corner? How do you understand relief will not come tomorrow if you enable the chance for one more day? What would it resemble to be curious about whats next rather of assuming it will all be just as unpleasant?
Given that you have not constantly felt like this, is it possible you may one day again feel happiness and flexibility?
If you look at your past, youll see you have had many fears and low minutes. Many of your worries did not come to be, and if they did, you survived them– you made it through.
You can see there is a life time of proof that your world is constantly changing and shifting if you turn around. Youll see many moments when it might have felt like things were not going the direction you desired, but youll likely see an equivalent number of moments that led you to exactly what you required. Use those as evidence that your surprise pleasure might be simply around the corner.”
During these conversations, my own interest resurfaces. If my mother held out a little longer what her life would have looked like, I typically ponder. If another medication would have assisted her, I wonder. Or if the words of an inspiring book might have used her the want to keep holding on. Or if the sensation of the sun on her face would have kissed her long enough for her to want a little bit more.
Would she have felt the bittersweet minute of watching me finish from high school? Would she have held my daughter, her first grandchild, and wept tears of pleasure understanding she made it?
Who knows what her life would have been like if she held on for one more day? I will never understand, but I wonder.
I have actually sat with numerous kids and adults while they are deep in their pain. I ache for them, weep for them, and also feel hope for them. I wonder out loud what will occur next that we can not see.
Ive seen pregnancies come when hope had left, new relationships be birthed when the individuals involved made sure they would never feel loved once again, brand-new tasks appear out of nowhere at simply the “ideal” time. Ive seen health problems dissipate once individuals began taking note of themselves, and minutes of delight integrate in the hearts of those who were specific there was no light left.
The truth is, we do not know what will happen next, however we understand we have made it this far. How do we know tomorrow will not be precisely what weve been waiting on?
I think our baseline sensation as human beings is peace. The caring calm that fills us when we are in the presence of those we adore. The kind of whole that we feel when weve done something we feel happy of and we reconnect to the love we are made of. The method we feel when we are offering love to others and the method we feel when that love is returned.
I also think that the human experience is filled with struggle and hardship and challenge. I dont think we are getting out of it. I think we are equipped with the power to lean in to our discomfort to let it move through us. To use our experiences as our strength and our understanding for the next wave of aggravation.
I do not believe we are supposed to suffer, however rather find out to flourish in the face of challenge and use hope as the steering wheel to direct us through … knowing despite the fact that the light may not be right in front of us, its simply around the corner.
And the more we use this faith and our practices that support us, the quicker we are able to go back to the peace that lies underneath.
In the moments of hardship, what would it resemble to enable curiosity? To not only acknowledge the feeling in front of us– and feel it– but to also enable for the possibility of what is to come.
All of our experiences feature the free will to pick how we will react to them. With openness and marvel or dismissal and resistance. Its also okay to feel all of it at once. The sensations will pass. They constantly do.
The next time you feel stuck in a sensation, or what feels like a perpetual experience, think about thinking, I question what will come of this. I wonder what charm lies on the other side of this discomfort.
Enable for interest. You never understand what surprises the day may bring. You may not understand the day, however you can be all set and open for when it arrives.
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What will feel different when youre dead versus how you feel right now?”
Youll see many minutes when it might have felt like things were not going the instructions you wanted, but youll likely see an equal number of moments that led you to exactly what you needed. The kind of whole that we feel when weve done something we feel happy of and we reconnect to the love we are made of. The method we feel when we are providing love to others and the method we feel when that love is returned.
The next time you feel stuck in a feeling, or what feels like a never-ending experience, consider thinking, I question what will come of this.