If You’re Insecure and Afraid of Rejection Like Me…

“How brave the moon shines in her skin; outnumbered by the stars.” ~ Angie Welland-Crosby
I have this persisting dream where I will teach a yoga class. I stand to teach, and no one is paying any attention to me. They are all sidetracked or in deep discussion with one another and have no interest in engaging in the class.
As I start, one by one the students get up and leave. I am mortified and discouraged, though I continue to teach anyhow.
I awaken from the dream with a sinking feeling in my stomach and heaviness in my heart. Rather than indulge and spiral into unhappiness, I turn straight towards the aching.
” Where is this coming from?” This is the question I ask myself as I dive into self-healing. Simply as the body has the ability to recover itself on a cellular level when injured, we too have the ability to heal our psychological injuries.
I have actually never ever been fired, from a job or relationship. I have actually always been the one to leave. This is not something I take pride in, rather I see a pattern that has actually established throughout my life because childhood.
When I receive criticism, my insecurities are activated. It needs to be since I am not great enough, as a worker, instructor, buddy, partner. Clearly there is something wrong with me. My impulse in these scenarios is to run, to leave before anybody finds my defects, prior to I feel more harmed.
I fear being deserted or rejected, so at the first indication of dispute I retreat, like a turtle that goes into its shell the minute it senses risk.
When I look back at my past I am left with frustrating grief. As I peel back the layers further, I see more clearly the origins.
Underneath the protective armor is a very delicate and hurt little woman.
A woman whose older sis locked her out of her space and declined to play.
A lady who was teased by area kids for being weird.
A girl whose buddy began an “I dislike Shannon club” in 4th grade.
A lady who constantly saw her friends as smarter, prettier, cooler, and more likeable.
A lady who was desperate to be accepted.
These deeply rooted injuries require appropriate recognition in order to be healed.
When we feel susceptible or hurt, we tend to shut off our hearts, chatter, rely on anger, or escape instead of attend to the pain. None of these habits will recover our psychological injuries. They are just momentary methods of easing the discomfort. In order to break these old, conditioned patterns, initially we should determine where the sensations are originating from.
When We Feel Rejected
Lets face it, individuals can be imply. We ourselves can be indicate.
It can be hurtful and scarring to be left out, declined, or on the receiving end of anothers extreme comments or habits. Frequently, others injure us since they themselves are harming.
When we look beneath the surface area of rejection, we eventually discover feelings of fear and abandonment. But we can choose to alter how we believe about rejection, and consequently, what we feel.
While we cant manage what other people think, state, or do, we can manage how we get and view. We get to pick whether we enable anothers comments to specify who we are or how we feel about ourselves.
There are some circumstances where strolling away is the best thing to do. However not out of fear, spite, or in defense, but rather from a place of surrender and acceptance.
We can reroute our energy to individuals and situations that are favorable and enhancing. Equally caring relationships and circumstances where we treat one another with kindness, support, and support. Where, rather than tear one another (or ourselves) down, we lift each other into the highest variation of ourselves.
There are many circumstances that can activate sensations of unworthiness, but I d like to focus on 2 specific ones that have actually been especially challenging for me.
When a Relationship Ends
Whether we selected to leave or not, there is often a deep sense of loss when a relationship ends. These feelings of loss can come back at any time after we believe we have actually moved on, particularly when we witness somebody else taking our location. A place that when made us feel unique, valued, loved.
I experienced this as I enjoyed my exs brand-new sweetheart move into a home that was when mine. The sensation of being replaceable. Even if eventually, a relationship isnt great for us and is no longer what we desire for our future, enjoying someone carry on can bring up sorrow and insecurity.
Rather than enjoy these sensations, we can select to be happy for the other. Pleased they have found love and convenience in somebody else. Delighted at their own ability to recover and move forward with their life.
What makes it even harder is that we typically decline ourselves when we feel declined by somebody we enjoyed. Focus on finding love and convenience in ourselves to reinforce that we are still worthy of love, and we dont deserve to feel or be turned down– by anybody, including ourselves.
When We Compare Ourselves to Others
Jealousy is a harmful feeling and can be triggered by an off-hand remark, a sideways look, or a social media post.
We are content and delighted one minute, the next our ex updates their Facebook status to “in a relationship,” or we see a post from someone who seems doing much better in life, and we are sent out into a downward spiral that involves stalking profiles, comparing ourselves to another, anger, questioning our decisions, feelings of regret … the list goes on.
In order to get rid of the green-eyed beast, we need to stop comparing ourselves to others and see our own unique presents.
Typically it is the desire to be someone special that drives unhealthy behavior and thought patterns. Consider this: You currently are special. You currently suffice, just as you are. Without needing to change or do anything different. You can stop trying to be sufficient and permit yourself to just be.
When I recently experienced dispute in an interpersonal relationship, I was talking with my mama and I stated to her in defeat, “I simply attempt so difficult to be an excellent person.”
She said to me, “Well then stop attempting. You already are an excellent individual. You do not need to attempt, its who you are.”
The reality is, no one has come prior to you or will come after you with your specific qualities. Allow who you are to shine, and permit others to shine, without insecurities, jealousy, or worry. Our true gifts are revealed when we recognize we are each ideal just as we are.
Its Time to Write a New Story
Those old stories from youth, the despiteful words on the play area or rejection from others, they do not fit anymore. They never did. We regrettably enabled them to indicate something about us and replayed the very same story over and over again. As adults we have the ability and awareness to see and break these old patterns.
Just recognizing our old stories is a great initial step. The next action is to develop brand-new stories that much better align with who we wish to be and how we want to feel. And the last action is supporting those new stories with our analyses and perceptions.
Instead of analyzing a break up or layoff as proof of our unworthiness, we can inform ourselves theres something better out there for us– and we deserve it. Rather of expecting people to reject us, we can concentrate on all the reasons were worth accepting, and recognize that if they do not, its their loss.
We can also assist ourselves engrain these brand-new stories by surrounding ourselves with people who support, value, and motivate us.
As I continue on my own path to healing, I am so grateful for a surprisingly supportive boyfriend and network of buddies and family (including my sister, who has actually become my buddy over the years), along with an extraordinary pup who teaches me the meaning of genuine love everyday (I highly suggest a canine for healing emotional wounds). Even when I fall or pull away into old patterns, I continue to be surrounded by people who accept me, challenge me, raise me, and inspire me to be the best version of myself.
My new dream goes like this: I show up to class to teach yoga and students get here eager to practice. They are engaged and delighted to be there, therefore am I. I am no longer insecure and fearful of rejection or desertion. In this brand-new dream, I give everything I have and permit my presents to shine. In doing this I offer others consent to do the very same.
The kind of story where we get to live our best life. We can reword our story if it no longer fits as we continue to progress and grow on our course.

About Shannon LeighShannon Leigh is a trainee and developer of life. She is here to discover and share experiences with others through the practice of yoga. She thinks yoga brings us back to our most genuine self, and the very best way we can be a light for others is to cultivate self-love and acceptance. From genuine love the magic of our lives can unfold in the most gorgeous ways. Visit her at beloveleigh.com.

See a typo or inaccuracy? Please contact us so we can fix it!

We sadly allowed them to suggest something about us and replayed the same story over and over again. Just recognizing our old stories is a great first action. The next action is to develop new stories that better line up with who we desire to be and how we want to feel. And the last step is supporting those new stories with our analyses and understandings.
The kind of story where we get to live our finest life.

Recent Posts